God Made Me Gay: S2E21 - I Want His Dreams Back From The Dead
As the end of the DTS drew near, people began to ask, “So what’s next?” The question stressed me out each time it was asked because I didn’t even know what I was doing in Japan. The reason I came here was because God said They had something else for me. Had I found that “something else?” Whether I had or not was unknown to me. So I did what I had been trained to do: I prayed. “God, please speak to me. I don’t care what you say, I just don’t want to be the one leading this anymore. Please tell me whatever it is you want me to do.”
When it finally came time for me to leave Japan, I decided to visit Guam for a week before I returned to Oregon. I stayed with family friends who I hadn’t seen since I left at the age of ten. It was surreal visiting familiar places from my childhood. The white sand and turquoise water, the humidity, the persistent tropical sun, it all reminded me of the little Baptist boy I used to be.
The closer my return to Oregon came, the greater my anxiety grew. I still didn’t know what I would do when I returned. I still didn’t have answers for everyone who would ask me what was next. One night I fell asleep praying. I told God I wanted my life to be a window through which They could express themselves and pursue whatever they wanted. The same night I had a dream.
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